Betsy and I had an unusually-philosophical coffee time this morning. We were reflecting on a recent social event, and commenting on how the children – ours and others – behaved at various times and circumstances.
We talked about the effects that social experiences have on children. For example, Betsy was homeschooled for the first eight grades and then attended a public high school. I was public-schooled throughout. Our children are all homeschooled throughout. She mentioned a study completed which showed, on average, that children who attend public school are more mature than homeschooled children in the early grades. That difference levels out in the middle grades, and then reverses in the final grades.
Betsy reflected on how she felt abnormal growing up – and that’s when I dug in to the details. Was it because of schooling, family decisions, or some combination? What about schooling caused that feeling – appearance? street smarts? social networks?
The devil is always in the details. It is always more complicated than at first glance. She didn’t know what her public school friends were talking about. So, she felt dumb.
There were many times where I didn’t know what my public school friends were talking about too! I’ll spare you of the uncomfortableness of sharing some specific examples, but let’s just say I didn’t know about human anatomy, I didn’t know about TV shows and movies (I still don’t!), I didn’t understand slang, and people still thought I was a little different, though I was athletic, smart, talented, and, after puberty, good looking 🙂
So, in many ways, Betsy and I’s experiences weren’t so different. True, there were still some odd things about her growing up experience, but I don’t think that’s what made her feel abnormal. Also, I understood the social circles, knew all the sports and music stuff, and probably was a little better-adjusted than her. In other words, I didn’t know when I was living in ‘normal’ because you can’t hear the dogs that don’t bark…we only remember the times we felt abnormal.
Betsy made the insightful observation that normalcy is quite subjective – time, place, environment, historical context. I said, “YES!, and I want my children to believe that who we are and what we do is normal.” You see, the Amish are wanting to imprint on their children a sense of normalcy, and that causes them in many ways to be quite abnormal in American society. I want my children to think it is abnormal to waste time, energy, and money on spectatorial activities–essentially the entertainments and spectator sports of American society. It seems to me that if a child is raised thinking it is normal to indulge oneself on self-serving pastimes, he will think it strange when others don’t run to the same excess of riot as he (1 Peter 4:4).
But, there are abnormalities that are somewhat universally decried – chewing one’s nails or picking one’s nose. Talking too much. Being stubborn. Haggling. You could add a half dozen to this list without thinking much. When you see someone behaving abnormally, it is embarrassing, off-putting, etc. That’s where public school settings and social networks like church, workplaces, and large extended families do a very nice job of shaving off those rough edges.
So, professor, what did we learn?
Being normal is a virtue until there’s no virtue in being normal.